The Greatest Generation Doesn’t Ask for Help
The Greatest Generation Doesn’t Ask for Help
– Use Your Senses to Know How Your Parents are Doing
Greenwich, CT – With the holidays upon us, it affords us an opportunity to see how things are going with Mom and Dad. If we live far away, it may have been awhile since we were last home.
Getting first hand information can often dispel or confirm our concerns over whether they are OK and if they maybe could use some extra help.
Crying out and saying I can’t do something is not typically among the characteristics of these folks who survived the great depression only to be called upon during World War II to save the world. Remember that beyond all that, they went on to sculpt the greatest nation in history. Admit that they can’t do something? No way!
If you haven’t experienced it yet, you probably will. I can do it myself! I want to stay in my own home! Nobody else can do it right! I’m fine, I don’t need any help! Our parents are great at insisting that all is well. Underlying that may be a deep concern that if they admit they need help with something, it becomes a chink in the armor. They may fear that a simple admission that they are human may be perceived as; they are incapable of caring for themselves and should move into a nursing home or at least an assisted living residence. Not wanting any part of that, these survivors deny, deny, deny!
The problem is that with age comes difficulty in doing certain things. The more things you can’t do for yourself, the greater the chance that independent living is no longer viable. Couple this with the increased chance of an accident or mishap, all of a sudden options become more and more limited. In fact, what seniors may fear most, leaving their homes, may result because of a crisis that could have been avoided.
Using your senses you can observe the way things are going with your folks and it’s a good means of determining whether it’s time to have a heart to heart talk with your parents. Some of the signs that you should be aware of are:
SIGHT – Looking at your parents’ appearance can be a sign that they are being limited either physically or mentally from completing otherwise normal daily tasks.
- Is their clothing stained, wrinkled or worn?
- Do they dress appropriately for the weather or the situation?
- Is their hair completely combed?
- Do their teeth appear clean?
- Does she continue to wear makeup? Is he shaved?
- Look at the car. Is it dented and dinged?
- Is the house as orderly and clean as it normally is?
SOUND -Listening to what and how they speak can tell you a lot about their current mental status. Don’t assume that “old age” is causing these problems; doing so can sometimes cause their mental state to decrease further.
- Do they call you by name?
- Do they call you by your name
- Are they speaking normally?
- Are they up on the news?
- Have they continued their outside activities?
- Do they have future plans or goals?
SMELL - Using your nose as an indicator can help you determine if your family member is bathing properly, participating in otherwise normal activities (cleaning their house), or whether or not they are eating regularly (if they have spoiled food in their kitchen).
- Does their living environment possess any unpleasant odors?
- Do the refrigerator or cupboards smell?
- Are the plants thriving?
- Is there an unusual amount of garbage, clutter, dust, or dirt?
TOUCH – A simple hug could tell you that your family member is fragile, losing weight and putting him or herself in jeopardy of injury or even malnourishment from not eating properly.
- Do they appear healthy?
- Touch their skin – is it soft, supple and is it the color normal?
- Do they have unusual tearing or bruising of the skin
- Are they losing weight
- How are their sight, hearing and taste?
OBSERVE – Checking their food and sorting through their medications can help you determine if they are eating healthy or even worse, taking expired medicine.
- Do they have fresh and stocked pantry items?
- Look at the expiration dates. How does the food taste?
- Does the person appear to move around the kitchen safely?
- Are there many different prescriptions?
- Has their personality changed? Do they seem withdrawn or depressed?
- Might alcohol consumption be a concern? Interaction with medication can have visible effects.
- Do the medications come from different doctors or pharmacies?
- What about the expiration dates on the medications?
- Are bills being paid on time?
You may notice that there is no change whatsoever. Changes may be gradual or sudden. Being aware of these changes enables you to help your parent become proactive and hopefully accept help before a crisis forces more radical changes.
In the event that you feel some intervention is needed, there are a multitude of resources to assist you. Starting with local Commissions on Aging, state run Area Agencies on Aging, Town Departments of Health, Providers of Non-Medical Home Care as well as the services of Geriatric Care Managers all can provide either guidance, services or both.
Caring for an aging parent is a daunting task. It’s a reversal of roles that should be handled tactfully. Treat them with respect and dignity and not as if they were a child. Remember, they will always be our parents.
Dennis Patouhas is the owner of Comfort Keepers of Lower Fairfield County. Serving the community for almost a decade with quality non medical home care services. Dennis is also co-host of The Healthy Aging Show – a weekly radio show Sundays at 1:00 pm on WSTC/WNLK 1400 / 1350AM or www.thehealthyagingshow.com.
When Your Loved One Resists Care
How many times has your mother refused to change her clothes? Has your father resisted getting out of bed? Has your wife pushed you away when you tried to brush her teeth? Many times a caregiver will be particularly frustrated by her loved one’s refusal to help himself.
